Coincidentally, I first saw Monty Python not long after moving with my family to a place without fluoridated water for the first time in my life. I was in my second last year of primary school, and made friends with two brothers in my class. Their parents owned a video store, which was the only video store in that Australian country town to my knowledge. The store adjoined the family house, and my new friends wanted to show me some of their favourite videos, one of which was Life of Brian, which is still my favourite Monty Python. I suppose that has something to do with it being particularly subversive, or something. (A reworking of The Dead Parrot Sketch is the Holy Water, or something, of fluoridehack piss taking, though, and it has to be said that in fluorifucked areas fluoride is SPAM on steroids.)
The previous year my health had deteriorated, with some gastrointestinal problems and a bout of pneumonia, which I discovered many years later had been linked to fluoride exposure by renowned American allergist George Waldbott. At the time I had never heard of fluoridation, but to cut a long story short, eventually discovered as a debilitated adult that I was sensitive to fluoride, and had skeletal fluorosis. During the year I spent in that country town, my health was perfect. In contrast with the video store, and sports complex (which was quite impressive for a town of its size), I never discovered the location of the doctor’s office.
In another coincidence, Paul Connett of the Fluoride Action Network says he played soccer with John Cleese when he was studying at Cambridge University. As a young adult I visited a friend who was studying at Cambridge, and during my time there and other non-fluoridated places in Europe my health dramatically improved again. Incidentally, my friend told me his asthma improved while in Cambridge, having lived in a fluoridated city previously, before knowing why I was asking. Asthma has been linked to fluoride exposure.
The comedy in the following pages is unavoidably very dark, to the point of being gallows humour. There are some Python allusions and some outright imitation, but the aim is just to give forced-fluoridation something like the Monty Python treatment – effective, but not necessarily safe. The fluoridationists certainly deserve it, because corporate pseudoscience is not the Messiah. It’s a very naughty ploy. Now, piss off if you’re a forced-fluorifuckation freak.