Uncle SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM… SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM

Cut to a cafe. All the customers are dentists. Mr and Mrs Bun enter – downwards (on wires)
Mr Bun: Morning
Waitress: Morning
Mr Bun: What have you got, then?
Waitress: Well, there’s egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and fluoride; egg, bacon and fluoride; egg, bacon, sausage and fluoride; fluoride, bacon, sausage and fluoride; fluoride, egg, fluoride, fluoride, bacon and fluoride; fluoride, fluoride, fluoride, egg and fluoride; fluoride, fluoride, fluoride, fluoride, fluoride, fluoride, baked beans, fluoride, fluoride, fluoride and fluoride; or Lobster thermidor aux crevettes with a mornay sauce garnished with truffle pâté, brandy and with a fried egg on top and fluoride.
Mrs Bun: Have you got anything without fluoride in it?
Waitress: Well, there’s fluoride egg sausage and fluoride, that’s not got much fluoride in it.
Mrs Bun: I don’t want ANY fluoride!
Mr Bun: Why can’t she have egg, bacon, fluoride and sausage?
Mrs Bun: That’s got fluoride in it!
Mr Bun: Not as much as fluoride, egg, sausage and fluoride.
Mrs Bun: Look, could I have egg, bacon, fluoride and sausage without the fluoride?
Waitress: Uuuuuuggggh!
Mrs Bun: What d’you mean uuugggh? I don’t like fluoride!
dentists: (singing) fluoride, fluoride, fluoride, fluoride, fluoride… fluoride, fluoride, fluoride, fluoride… lovely fluoride, wonderful fluoride…
Brief stock shot of a dentist (i.e. hexafluorosilicic acid) tanker.
Waitress: Shut up. Shut up! Shut up! You can’t have egg, bacon, fluoride and sausage without the fluoride.
Mrs Bun: Why not!
Waitress: No, it wouldn’t be egg, bacon, fluoride and sausage, would it?
Mrs Bun: I don’t like fluoride!
Mr Bun: Don’t make a fuss, dear. I’ll have your fluoride. I love it. I’m having fluoride, fluoride, fluoride, fluoride, fluoride…
dentists: (singing) fluoride, fluoride, fluoride, fluoride…
Mr Bun: … baked beans, fluoride, fluoride and fluoride.
Waitress: Baked beans are off.
Mr Bun: Well can I have fluoride instead?
Waitress: You mean fluoride, fluoride, fluoride, fluoride, fluoride, fluoride, fluoride, fluoride, fluoride, fluoride?
dentists: (still singing) fluoride, fluoride, fluoride, fluoride… (etc.)
Mr Bun: Yes.
Waitress: Arrggh!
dentists: … lovely fluoride, wonderful, fluoride.
Waitress: Shut up! Shut up!
The dentists shut up momentarily. Enter the Hungarian.
Hungarian Great boobies, honeybun, my lower intestine is full of fluoride, egg, fluoride, bacon, fluoride, tomato, fluoride…
dentists: (starting up again) fluoride, fluoride, fluoride, fluoride…
Waitress: Shut up
A policeman rushes in and bundles the Hungarian out.
Hungarian: My nipples explode…
Cut to a historian.
SUPERIMPOSED CAPTION: ‘A HISTORIAN’
Historian: Another great dentist victory was at the Green Midget cafe at Grand Rapids. Once again the dentist strategy was the same. They drove from this phosphate fertiliser factory here, (indicating a map with arrows on it) assembled at the Grand Rapids water treatment plant, whence they took their first dump on January 25th. Then they assembled in the Green Midget cafe to gloat and fluoride selecting a fluoride particular fluoride item from the fluoride menu would fluoride, fluoride, fluoride, fluoride, fluoride…
The backdrop behind him rises to reveal the cafe again, the dentists start singing again and the historian conducts them.
dentists: (singing) fluoride, fluoride, fluoride, fluoride, fluoride, lovely fluoride, wonderful fluoride. Lovely fluoride wonderful fluoride…

fluoride: the ultimate SPAM

There’s a parrotman called Uncle Sam,
Who’s poisoning us all with F-SPAM.
So all the sane say mate,
Get that shit off our plate,
We all know it’s a damn F’ing scam.

More Monty
THE BRAINDEAD PARROT SKETCH
THE FLUORIDEHACK SONG
ALWAYS LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE OF SHIT
POLLY POLLYANNA

or something completely different