As far as I know, none of the Ramones ever said anything publicly about forced fluoridation, but their appropriately off-the-wall treatment of those other violent, intelligence-attenuating mid-20th century American medical practices of frontal lobotomy and electroshock treatment in “Teenage Lobotomy” and “Gimme Gimme Shock Treatment”, respectively, make me think they would have done a good job of satirising it in a song had they tried. As it is, you’ll have to make do are with my versions of a couple of their songs. “Somebody Put Something in My Drink” was written by Richie Ramone, and apparently based on his experience of having his drink spiked with acid. “Some Noddies Put Some Shit in My Drink” is based on my experience of having many drinks, over many years, spiked with hexafluorosilicic acid.

The Ramones were from New York City, which played an important part in the history of forced fluoridation. Before 1965, American public water supplies were predominantly unfluoridated. According to Christopher Bryson’s The Fluoride Deception (2004), the fall of New York had a big influence on the rest of the country. It appears also to have had a big influence on Australia. Edward Bernays, dubbed the “father of public relations”, was on the case in the New York campaign. Bernays was the nephew of Sigmund Freud. Psycho Therapy, anyone? Forced fluoridation is an act of mass violence, so it’s fitting that it started during World War II, and received a major boost in the year the Vietnam War started. The Ramones played their first gig in 1974, by which time that war had become the longest in American history to that point.

Some Noddies Put Some Shit in My Drink
Another night without much sleep
Suffering now without a peep
Oh, water board, please

Clean, pure water’s my favourite drink
I don’t like anything from ratfinks
That just stinks, it’s not for me

It feels like some noddies put some shit
Some noddies put some shit in my drink
Some noddies put some shit, some noddies put some shit

Creeping fatigue and chronic hives
Feel out of luck, without life
Feel something’s coming on

Yeah I hit the toilet, piss galore
Drink, drink, drink, drink some more
I can’t think, hey what’s in the drink?

It feels like some noddies put some shit
Some noddies put some shit in my drink
Some noddies put some shit, some noddies put
some shit in my drink

Some noddies put some shit
Some noddies put some shit in my drink
Some noddies put some shit, in my drink
In my drink, in my drink, in my drink

So you think it’s funny a dental prank
Joints in pain from some shit in my drink feel a little dry
Oh I couldn’t care what you think of me
’Cause some noddies put some shit in my drink
I can’t think, hey give me a drink

It feels like some noddies put some shit
Some noddies put some shit in my drink
Some noddies put some shit
Some noddies put some shit in my drink

Some noddies put some shit
Some noddies put some shit in my drink
Some noddies put some shit
Some noddies put some shit in my drink

Some noddies put some shit
Some noddies put some shit in my drink
Some noddies put some shit
Some noddies put some shit in my drink

Some noddies put some shit
Some noddies put some shit in my drink
Some noddies put some shit
Some noddies put some shit in my drink

Gimme Gimme Shit Treatment
Happy days are here to stay
And now I can wake up and smile all day
Happy, happy, happy all the time
Shit treatment, I’m smilin’ fine

Gimme gimme shit treatment (3x)
I wanna, wanna shit treatment

I was feeling sick, losing my teeth
I heard about these treatments by a good dentist thief
He was always smiling, a mental case
He said he had some great teeth in his face

Happy days are here to stay
And now I can wake up and smile all day
Happy, happy, happy all the time
Shit treatment, I’m smilin’ fine

Gimme gimme shit treatment (7x)
I wanna, wanna shit treatment