Always look on the bright side of shit

Always Look on the Bright Side of Shit (lyrics only)
Always look on the bright side of shit, (whistle)
Especially when you’re drinking it. (whistle)
Life is far too short,
Not to drink the shit you ought,
Just ask a smiling child, they will agree,
Drinking shit is better than wee. (whistle)

Life’s a piece of shit, and drinking shit is part of it,
Shit’s oh so perfect, can’t you see?
Our shit’s a better class,
Than what comes out your ass.
Shit builds with each and every passing glass.

Always look on the bright side of shit, (whistle)
Especially when you’re pushing it. (whistle)

Shit’s poison to some,
But for us, shit’s just some fun.
Don’t take shit all so seriously.

Just drink that toxic waste,
With shit’s nothing taste,
And thank your lucky stars shit’s almost free.
Unlike me.

So just stop your goddamn whining, (whistle)
Appreciate phosphate rock mining. (whistle)

Shitting in or out the tent,
Incompetent or bent,
Our shit is really, truly heaven sent.

But when we take our dumps,
It doesn’t come in lumps.
Come and join our fluoride fantasy. (whistle)

And just stop your goddamn crucifying, (whistle)
Appreciate the shit we’re shining. (whistle)

Don’t let yourself get down,
About being the class clown,
Respecting human rights is voluntary. (whistle)

So always look on the bright side of death. (whistle)
a-Just before you drink your terminal F. (whistle)

F’s a load of shit, when you look at it.
F’s a laugh and health’s a joke, it’s true.
You’ll see it’s all a show, keep ’em keelin’ as you go,
Just remember that the last laugh is on them.

And…
Always look on the bright side of shit. (whistle)
Especially when you’re full of it. (whistle)
Life is far too short,
Not to drink the shit you ought,
Just ask a smiling child, they will agree,
Drinking shit beats buggery. (whistle)

When you’re drinking shit,
Your health may take a hit.
Shit’s a windfall for the industry.

Always look on the bright side of shit, (whistle)
Because we won’t stop flogging it. (whistle)

Always look on the bitch side of life. (whistle)

Always look on the right side of shit. (whistle)

Always look on the shite side of bright. (whistle)

Always look on the bright side of shit. (whistle)

fluoride-life-of-brian-not-the-messiah2-960-100

Always Look on the Bright Side of Shit (lyrics and script)
Always look on the bright side of shit, (whistle)
Especially when you’re drinking it. (whistle)
Life is far too short,
Not to drink the shit you ought,
Just ask a smiling child, they will agree,
Drinking shit is better than wee. (whistle)

(Dentist done up as an evil clown shapes up to drink a glass of fluoridated water. Evil dentist clown stops, and instead pours the water down the throat of a child who is in a straitjacket and tied down to a dental chair, with a large contraption forcing the child’s mouth open. The child splutters and manages to spit some of the water out. Evil dentist clown waggles finger disapprovingly. The scene shifts to evil dentist clown on a sidewalk with a child, who gives a big cheesy grin, revealing dental fluorosis and several mercury amalgam fillings. The child is holding a glass of fluoridated water. Evil dentist clown urinates in a glass and offers it. The child makes a face and drinks the fluoridated water instead. Evil dentist clown shrugs and tosses the urine in the child’s mother’s face.)

Life’s a piece of shit, and drinking shit is part of it,
Shit’s oh so perfect, can’t you see?
Our shit’s a better class,
Than what comes out your ass.
Shit builds with each and every passing glass.

(Evil dentist clown next to a diagram which illustrates the accumulation of fluoride in the human body, pointing to the areas of highest concentration, which are highlighted, with a pointer.)

Always look on the bright side of shit, (whistle)
Especially when you’re pushing it. (whistle)

(Evil dentist clown turns large fossilised turd over in his/her hands, looking intently for its bright side. The turd gets cracked open on the outside corner of a building, allowing a view of its inside. Seeing no bright side there, evil dentist clown ditches the turd, which hits a passerby, knocking them out. Oblivious, evil dentist clown trips over the passerby lying on the ground, and yells “Get up you bum! I bet you’ve got rotten teeth!”)

Shit’s poison to some,
But for us, shit’s just some fun.
Don’t take shit all so seriously.

(Evil dentist clown supervising a class of kindergarten children, who are all blowing bubbles with the bubblegum flavoured, fluoridated toothpaste in their mouths.)

Just drink that toxic waste,
With shit’s nothing taste,
And thank your lucky stars shit’s almost free.
Unlike me.

(Evil dentist clown indicates money by rubbing thumb and first two fingers together, with dollar signs in the eyes. The cha-ching sound of a cash register is heard.)

So just stop your goddamn whining, (whistle)
Appreciate phosphate rock mining. (whistle)

(Evil dentist clown at a phosphate rock mine, jerking off.)

Shitting in or out the tent,
Incompetent or bent,
Our shit is really, truly heaven sent.

(God up in heaven turns around, lifts up his robe to reveal his bare arse, squats, strains to do a shit for several seconds, and manages to unleash a load on its way down to Earth, triumphantly yelling “Bombs away!”.)

But when we take our dumps,
It doesn’t come in lumps.
Come and join our fluoride fantasy. (whistle)

(Water treatment worker stands on the shoulder of the Statue of Liberty, wearing a “I love Pew York” T-shirt over a Hazmat suit, with a spray bottle containing hydrofluoric acid in one hand and a mallet in the other. The Statue of Liberty is sprayed with hydrofluoric acid around the neck, and then hit in the back of the head with the mallet. The head falls into the water below, narrowly missing a boat full of arriving immigrants. Raw sewage gushes out of the hole which has been left in the Statue of Liberty, creating a fountain effect. The shit showers all over the worker and the immigrants down below.)

And just stop your goddamn crucifying, (whistle)
Appreciate the shit we’re shining. (whistle)

(Krusty the Clown standing beside a white, gleaming car which has just been polished. A freshly laid turd sits on the bonnet, which Krusty attempts to shine. Instead the turd gets smeared all over the bonnet. Krusty makes his characteristic sound of frustration and disappointment.)

Don’t let yourself get down,
About being the class clown,
Respecting human rights is voluntary. (whistle)

(Krusty standing there looking despondent.)

So always look on the bright side of death. (whistle)
a-Just before you drink your terminal F. (whistle)

F’s a load of shit, when you look at it.
F’s a laugh and health’s a joke, it’s true.
You’ll see it’s all a show, keep ’em keelin as you go,
Just remember that the last laugh is on them.

(The Grim Reaper scythes a person down. Evil dentist clown and Grim Reaper fist bump, and start smiling, which turns into uncontrollable laughter.)

And…
Always look on the bright side of shit. (whistle)
Especially when you’re full of it. (whistle)
Life is far too short,
Not to drink the shit you ought,
Just ask a smiling child, they will agree,
Drinking shit beats buggery. (whistle)

(Evil dentist clown on sidewalk with a child, who is holding a glass of fluoridated water. Evil dentist clown requests sex with the child by making a circle with the thumb and forefinger of one hand, and moving the forefinger of the other hand in and out of it. The child says no and shakes his/her head. Evil dentist clown shrugs and buggers the child’s pet sheep instead.)

When you’re drinking shit,
Your health may take a hit.
Shit’s a windfall for the industry.

(Mob of evil dentist clowns and other forced-fluoridation freak clowns partying in a graveyard, with money raining down on them.)

Always look on the bright side of shit, (whistle)
Because we won’t stop flogging it. (whistle)

Always look on the bitch side of life. (whistle)

Always look on the right side of shit. (whistle)

Always look on the shite side of bright. (whistle)

Always look on the bright side of shit. (whistle)

(Mob jerking off, with money still raining down on them.)
fluoride-evil-clown

More Monty
THE BRAINDEAD PARROT SKETCH
THE FLUORIDEHACK SONG
WHAT D’YOU MEAN UUUGGGH? I DON’T LIKE FLUORIDE!
POLLY POLLYANNA

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